


Band-Aids Won't Heal It

by SoftEddie



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, M/M, Post Pennywise, also eddies mom loves him to but shes crazy, also the losers love eddie too and theyre worried, and later a good kisser i didnt say nothing, and richie is a good friend, because he keeps taking them, because its cute, but it dont feel right, this is basically eddie telling the losers about his placebos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 13:34:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20761193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoftEddie/pseuds/SoftEddie
Summary: Eddie has been forcing himself to take his medication,Even after finding out they're gaz - placebos.





	Band-Aids Won't Heal It

**Author's Note:**

> im not even gonna try to introduce myself because this might be a one time thing asdfghjkl  
i just rewatched it and it chapter 2 on sunday and i had the itch to write something for it because i love eddie so much, and im also trying to finish the book so hopefully soon  
so who knows  
want to state right off the bat that (BOOK SPOILERS) instead of yelling at his mom in the movie about his placebos, hes very serious in the book. Henry breaks Eddies arm instead and at the hospital, his mom sends the Losers away when they try to come and see him. He tells her that he knows his medicine is fake but he wont ask anything and he'll continue to take them and he'll continue to see his friends.  
I like that version much better because it shows WHY he still takes them as in adult like in chapter two. Its confusing in the movies because hes angry and knows they're fake but then it cuts to him 27 years later with an inhaler.  
So this is a mix of the movie and the book, just in case there's any confusion

Eddie couldn’t be happier back in school. Even if Summer was enjoyable - or at least it  _ should’ve _ been -, school is much more  _ normal _ . Or maybe he was a sucker for rules and the way everything was organized by a shitty color coded time table telling them where to be and what time they had to be there, well, it was a no brainer. His classes were pretty much boring, and he only shared one with Bill and one with Ben. Luckily, their lunch periods matched and he was able to see his friends - minus Mike and Beverly - during the forty five minute break. At the very least, everything had gone back to whatever they could call  _ normal _ . After what ever happened in the sewers - the memory was intensely blurry for all of them -, Beverly had moved to Portland to live with her aunt. It was a soreful goodbye, a lot of messy tears and squeezing hugs. Eddie can still remember the feeling of Beverlys lips on his cheek before she got on the bus. She was a good friend, one of the best, and Eddie missed her a lot and he knew the others did too. School wasn’t the same without her in the group, but she was safer in Portland, something they all agreed was good for her. When wasn’t it good to get out of Derry?

Eddie stopped himself from even  _ thinking _ of that, of leaving this town. His home was here, his mother, his friends, his whole entire life. What would he have if he left to Portland like she did? Nothing but an empty heart and a fanny pack full of placebos. At least that’s what he was told and never corrected on.

Whatever they were, he didn’t tell his friends. A day he spent in the hospital with a broken arm and a blubbering mom was one of the things he didn’t forget, and it was just  _ one _ out of a hundred check ups for his xrays. It was as clear as day, the conversation he had with his mother about his medicine being fake - about all his so called  _ problems _ being fake. He decided not to question it anyways, too scared of the answers he would get in return, and thus he made the deal. To not ask her  _ why _ and to keep taking his medication as if nothing happened in return for her to leave him and his friends alone and to stop pushing them away from him any longer. They were the only reason he could survive his delicate, little life that his mother had impaled on him. As much as he was still frightened of the death that was cancer and he still refused to go anywhere near blood in case of another AIDs outbreak, he could live like a child with his friends, ignoring the way he had recently turned fifteen.

During his birthday, his friends showered him with love and it was the most he’s felt in a while. Not that his mother didn’t love him in a truly tragic way - but that was something he didn’t want to get into. His friends had brought him to the quarry, despite the wind in the air from the fall season. Leaves were changing color and the water was too cold to dip into, but he loved sitting with them there anyways, his pants getting a little dirty from the ground but he didn’t mind one bit. And that was sort of a lie with the way his head was screaming at him that it was  _ infectious, the ground will give you diseases Eddie Bear, it’ll kill you _ .

With what they could make do of; Bill had gifted him a new polo shirt, a white one that would get dirty just by looking at it and Eddie had thanked him a thousand times for it while his mind chanted  _ it’ll stain, it’s too bright for your delicate eyes, you can’t wear this Eddie _ . Stanley managed to buy him the comic book he kept going into the store to simply reread the cover of as it was coated in plastic and untouchable to a boy like Eddie and his constant  _ you’ll get a papercut and then a disease will enter your bloodstream. Is that what you want Eddie? Is that how you want to die? _ Mike could only conjure up basic meat in the form of wrapped paper and his mouth watered at the sight of the raw present. His mother didn’t allow meat in the house because  _ Eddie, could you even imagine the filth and illnesses animals carry? And they expect us to eat them? Put them in our systems? That’s how they get you Eddie, you can’t let them get you _ . Ben went and got him a pair of small black headphones like the ones he wears and a rainbow rubix cube straight out of the packaging. Eddie was extremely happy with them because he never listened to music, unless it was outside, and he didn’t have any toys at home, because of you know who and her constant  _ music will ruin your hearing Eddie, I’m your mother I know best. And toys Eddie, they’ll melt your brain until you’re nothing but a brainless boy _ .

Unlike the others who either had to save up for weeks or ask their parents for extra cash in exchange for chores to afford his gifts, Richie had definitely used his paycheck from his job for his. He was the only one who went out and got a job - miraculously at the movie theater where he spent all his time in the arcade at anyways - because his parents would never give him a dime, let alone for his best friend's birthday. Eddie had carefully torn the wrapping paper -  _ don’t get cut Eddie Bear _ \- and produced a brand new fanny pack. It was a baby blue, the clips a crisp white, and sewn a little crookedly into the base was a big black ‘E’. Eddie had flushed, something he also prefers not to talk about, and thanked Richie with a warm hug.

Later on, Richie had pulled him aside when they were trailing their bikes out of the quarry, taking out a small ribboned box that Eddie found out was a bracelet. It was a thin, silver chain, but he has worn it ever since. The only gifts his mother wouldn’t have a problem seeing were ironically Richie’s

But other than that, other than his birthday, school was back in session and he could feel the rattles of his pills in his baby blue fanny pack attached to his hip as he mounted down the hall. His hands were gripping the straps of his backpack and his hair fell onto his forehead, light gel forgotten since Beverly moved away. He spotted Stanley by his locker and his feet carried him the rest of the way. “Hey Stan,” He greeted, “We’re going to the clubhouse today?”

Stanley turned to him, shoving his textbook away and closing the door to his dirty, navy blue locker, “Yeah, Bill decided during lunch. You would know if you were paying any attention.” He chided, hand ruffling Eddie’s already unkempt hair. Eddie didn’t mind, stopped minding, but didn’t argue that he wasn’t paying any attention during lunch once his watch had beeped and he had to force himself to unzip his fanny pack and swallow a bland pill down with his water. His mind usually goes blank because he’s so focused on not throwing it backup to hear what his friends were discussing. “Bet everyone’s already outside waiting for us.” He patted Eddie on the back and gave him a slight push to start walking together until they reached the doors leading towards the bike racks. The rest of the Losers, including Mike, were there, straddling their bikes and waiting.

“There you guys are,” Richie called out, cupping his hands over his mouth even though they were both in proximity, “Could you hurry it up! I won’t have any time to bang your moms if you’re so slow!”

“Buh-Beep beep Ruh-Richie.” Bill rolled his eyes.

Stanley did too while Eddie made no comment, going over to get his bike that was chained up double - just in case - on a stand. Richie wheeled his bike over to him and waited until Eddie put his chains in his backpack and hopped on to ask, “You okay, Eds?”

When Eddie glanced up and locked eyes with him, he found it weirdly sensational at how serious Richie looked. For such a joker, Richie had his moments, and they were usually with Eddie. He only ever got serious when he got concerned, and Eddie didn’t like that he was making his friend worry about him. He was a big boy now,  _ fifteen _ for crying out loud, there was no reason to be troubling any one with a bunch of  _ nothing _ , literally. “I’m fine Rich,” He peddled a little, stopping next to Richie just to say, “And don’t call me that.” With a small smile, and Richie bought it for now.

Reaching the field, as they called it, and parking their bikes, Eddie watched as Mike passed his hand on the grass covered in leaves, skittering his fingers until he found what he was looking for and pulled open the hatch door that led down into what Ben had built for them. Eddie thought it was a miracle that the area was still as secluded as the first day they came here and no one had found out about this yet. Hopefully, no one ever will. Bill went first, then Stanley, then Ben, then Mike. Eddie stood by the ladder, eyes staring down into the wooden build.

“Do you want me to go first to catch you?” Richie’s annoying voice teased next to him, “Or do you want me to go after you so you’re not alone up here?”

“Shut it asshole.” Eddie grumbled, turning and veering down the ladder, not looking up to give Richie any sort of satisfaction, terribly skinny legs climbing down until he hit the floor. The clubhouse was still as amazing as day one. He might’ve never exactly  _ told _ Ben that this place was amazing and a good escape, but he had a feeling Ben already knew they all were thankful for this place. He was able to spot Beverly’s corner, the one she used to smoke in after Eddie complained about the smell. It was the nearest to the door so most of the smoke would get sucked out and the others could breathe, you know,  _ dusty _ air instead. He didn’t need to look when Richie climbed down and made way for that spot, taking out his own cigarettes from his jean pockets. He loved Beverly, he did, missed her every day she was gone, but he could do without her teaching Richie her nasty habits. He knew she had her issues, and so does Richie, and so does he, but no one ever saw him with itching hands desperately looking for some cigs to smoke and kill his lungs on.  _ Don’t go near drugs Eddie, that’s including cigarettes, you can barely breathe as it is _ .

He shook his head, his ears picking up the faint click of a lighter and turning fully away towards Stanley who had clicked the lamp on because the sun coming in from the top could only light so much. “Who wuh-wants to pa-play Monopo-poly?” Bill asked, raising the broken box of the game in his hands.

“We should play 7 Worlds.” Ben suggested instead, sheepishly because he could already guess what they would say.

“That games a fucking  _ disaster _ ,” Richie cackled as Bill and Mike took out Monopoly to set it up, “Sorry Benny Boy but none of us like it,  _ or _ understand it.”

Ben shyly nodding his head and Eddie felt compelled to be a good friend since his friends were always good to him, “I’ll play Ben.” He offered. He was vaguely good at the game considering the complicated rules and the history trivia it had in it, he would be the best from the rest of the Losers, but still had a long way to go until he could be as good as Ben.

“Thanks Eddie, but it needs at least three players.” Ben said with a pink tinged face. Eddie didn’t need to ask to know he was thinking of Beverly as the third.

Richie burned his cigarette out, Eddie heard the small hiss it made and turned to him. “Fuck it then, I’m in,” He sighed, going over to where Eddie was standing. Eddie would have smiled if the stench of smoke didn’t hit his nose and he, again, turned his face away. Richie noticed and began to fan his clothes. It didn’t work that well but Eddie silently appreciated the gesture, “You’re gonna have to explain the rules again or I’ll be taking over all the 7 wonders again.”

Ben was overjoyed and already pulling out the board from the box, “Again Richie, you can’t just  _ take _ them over by force, you need to win them.”

“Which one you want Eds?” Richie asked, elbowing him.

Eddie glanced down at the board, “I don’t know.. The Great Wall.” He chose randomly for the population.

“Cool, I’ll ‘win’ that one first.” He sent Eddie a wink, putting up quotations with his fingers around the word  _ win _ .

“If you don’t play by the fucking rules I’ll fucking kill you dipshit.” Eddie sent him a stern glare, moving to sit down on the floor in front of the board, across from Ben. Richie sat down next to him, their knees pressing against each other the whole time.

Ben ended up winning,  _ no doubt _ , with four of the 7 wonders. Eddie ended up with 2 and Richie 1. His 1 was China, and he was grinning like a madman while Ben was placing the game back in its box. “Told y-”

“-Don’t speak,” Eddie cut in, “You didn’t even keep the Colosseum, which was yours to begin with. You didn’t win anything because you took over the Wall.”

“I didn’t  _ just _ take over the Wall,” Richie threw an arm over his shoulders, “I took over  _ your _ Wall. So I definitely win at something.”

“Like what?” Stanley asked from his game, rolling the dice and grabbing his piece - a tiny little bird figure that he had brought from home because he was appalled to find out Monopoly didn’t come with one and refused to play when Bill had bought it -, “Playing the game badly?”

Bill and Mike snorted at his comment and Eddie smiled at the jab. “In matto o’ facto Stan The Man,  _ yes _ . And it’s  _ still _ a win of some sort.”

Eddie pushed his arm away so he could stand up, brushing the back of his pants quickly to whisk away any unwanted dust and moved over to the hammock hanging between posts. Richie followed, knowing Eddie wouldn’t have anything to say when it came to sharing it with him. They didn’t lay down in it like usual when they wanted to read comics together, choosing to sit side by side on it, legs hanging off. It was the perfect spot to continue watching the other three finish up their game. “Whose winning?” Eddie asked and pressed his lips together when Richie readjusted and slid his arm around him again.

“I am.” Bill and Stanley said at the same time. They didn’t bother looking at each other, only held onto their money and properties in an effort to win.

No one bothered to see who  _ actually _ was winning because Mike definitely had something up his sleeve to steal the game once again.

Eddie was so enthralled in the game - of course not the way Richie’s warmth was making him comfortable enough to sleep right where he was - that he didn’t notice his watch beep for the first time. It gave a five second pause and then beeps again. He blinked, bringing his wrist up to his face and checking the time, taking a heavy gulp as he clicked it off. He rubbed at his nose with the back of his hand and then put it back down in his lap where it was before. A minute or two passed with his friends chattering and then, Bill turned to him, ignoring the dice that were being handed to him by Mike. “E-Eddie, wasn’t that f-for your pill?”

Eddie tilted his head, unaware that Bill was even talking to him, “Huh?”

“Your a-alarm,” He pointed to his own wrist, miming Eddie’s big, bulky watch, “Isn’t it foe-for your medic-cation?”

Eddie sucked in his bottom lip and his stomach dropped when he realized all his friends were staring at him in turn, especially Richie who was next to him and he could see out of the corner of his eye. “Oh, y-yeah.” He fumbled over his words, reaching down and opening his fanny pack. His friends went back to the game, including Richie, but the pressure of his hand on Eddie’s shoulder was very prominent. He pulled out his box of weekly organized pills, snapping it open and staring at the  _ Monday _ ones. His hand ticked as he picked up the half white, half red pill. All he had to do was pop it in his mouth - they’ve all seen him swallow them dry over the course of practice. He just has to bring it up to his mouth and take it. He’s been doing it for a few weeks now, with some difficulty after what happened with his mother, but taking them nonetheless. But right now, in the comfort of his friends, stuck to Richie’s side, it felt so  _ wrong _

_ But you must _ , His mind screamed, nearly giving him a headache,  _ you’re so fragile Eddie Bear, you’re medicine will help you, please, take it Eddie, take it _ . His fingers crushed the pill, and then dropped it back into the pack, landing in the pile of dozens more.

“Eds?” Richie asked next to him, but his voice was quiet, contrary to his usual tone, “You okay?” He asked for the second time that day. Eddie shrugged this time, not having the heart to lie to Richie’s face. “What’s up? Do.. Do you not wanna take your pill?” Even if his voice was lower, Stanley, who was the closest to them, immediately looked at them, his money fanned out in his hands as he was in the middle of paying Bill rent.

“What happened Eddie, are you feeling sick?” He asked, concern dwelled in his face. It  _ had _ to be the first time they saw Eddie not running to take his pills. He’s calmer now, collected when he stops in the middle of the hallway or jerks his bike to a sidewalk to do so, no longer has butter fingers or gets scared for his life if the pill isn’t going down his throat the second his watch beeps. This was the first time he looked like he was contemplating it.

“No, I’m fine.” His voice is rough, still it’s normally high octave, but he was a horrible liar since kindergarten.

“If you were fuh-fine, you’d b-be five puh-pills i-in by now.” Bill’s eyes furrowed and Eddie knew he was just concerned, he  _ knew _ that, but it made him want to burst into tears anyways.

“No, I…” Eddie lost his voice again, his gaze glued to his weekly dosage in his lap. He couldn't tell them - he couldn’t give them the explanation they’d be chasing, “It’s nothing.” He decided to cover up, grabbing a pill and popping it into his mouth. He thought they’d turn away, go back to the stupid game and someone would make a jab and Richie would go into a frenzy to comment on it, giving Eddie enough time to spit it out. His stomach churned, for one, because he couldn’t bare to swallow it, and two, no one looked away.

“Swah-Swallow it.” Bill said and he was no longer in the game, his paper cash discarded by his side.

Eddie’s eyes widened and he, he tried, he’ll swear on his own mother that he tried to swallow it but he couldn’t, he gagged, spitting it back into his hand and curling it. “What’s going on?” Richie straightened up - as much as he could in the silly hammock - and squeezed Eddie’s shoulder with comfort.  _ I’m here _ , it said,  _ we’re all here _ . But Eddie’s mind raced with  _ placeboes. They mean bullshit _ and  _ I think you’re old enough to understand what’s been going on here _ .

He refused to cry, he refused to look like a complete baby in front of his friends. “Nothing,” He shuddered, “I’m not sick, I just don’t feel like taking them right now.”

“Then you’re either  _ are _ sick, or you  _ will _ get sick if you don’t take your pills.” Stanley adds to Bill’s frown.

“Won’t your asthma get worse?” Mike asked because  _ that’s  _ what Eddie had told them all whenever they ask about his medication.

His mind buzzed with an old conversation between his mother and his coach from middle school  _ he can’t run, he has asthma _ \-  _ I looked into his file and called your family doctor, he’s perfectly physical, he actually runs pretty fast  _ \-  _ he’s delicate, he can’t do physical education _ \-  _ Mrs. Kaspbrak, Eddie is in perfect condition, there’s nothing wrong with him  _ \-  _ you don’t know my son, he’s too fragile to run around and act rough with his sickness _ \-  _ Mrs. Kaspbrak, please, I checked, everyones sure Eddie- _

“Doesn’t have asthma…” He blurted, he wasn’t even thinking, he was reminiscing about the memory when his mouth finished it for him.

“What?” Stanley’s nose scrunched up, “Who doesn’t have asthma?”

Eddie chewed on his bottom lip, pretending he didn’t hear the question. “Eddie,” Richie snapped, and, it was the first time he used his name correctly in what felt like forever, “Tell us what happened.” And he  _ had _ to, Richie was staring at him, and he wasn’t going to leave him alone any time soon. They’d surely keep him here til dark where his mother would call the police and start a search party for him.

He crossed his ankles, toes curling in his one-size-too-big shoes as he didn’t look any of them in the eyes and said, “Gretta,” He could tell the boys were already sneering at the mention of the girls name, “She told me that my medicine were just gazeb - um, placebos…”

“Plah-what?” Richie questioned.

“Placebos,” Ben repeated, “It’s basically fake medicine. It’s given to patients who don’t have any illness but think they need some sort of medicine to get better.”

“But, it wa-was Gretta,” Bill’s lip curled in disgust, “Sh-She was juh-just messing with you.”

Eddie nodded along because he had thought that too, “I thought so too,” He said, “But then Mr. Keene brought me to his office.”

Richie pretended to gag, and although Eddie didn’t smile, he was grateful for him not making this the most awkward confession ever, “When was this?” He asked.

“When we fought…” Eddie mumbled, going on with his story, “He told me I was old enough to know that my medicine… It wasn’t real?” He even questioned himself - maybe he had heard wrong, but  _ no _ the look on his mother's face when he accused her, you couldn’t fake that - “I don’t know, he said that he was tired of lying and that he didn’t trust my doctor any longer and that my mom was.. Making it worse.” He said it with no problem, because in a way, he didn’t believe it himself.

“Hold on,” Mike shifted to kneel on his knees, a look of mixed anger and confusion, more confusion or, more anger, Eddie couldn’t tell when he finally brought his eyes over to him, “Mr. Keene, a licensed pharamcist, told you that the medicine your mother has been giving you since you were little are fake,” He was trying to make sense of it, “What, what did you do? Did you tell your mom?”

Eddie sensed that all of them were on thin ice because - because they’ve all seen him use his inhaler a few more times since then, less frequent but if he gets overly upset or even too excited, he’ll take a pump of it. “I did.” Is the only thing he said, not elbortating any further.

“And what?” Richie hissed, no anger towards Eddie at all, but at the situation, “She changed them to real fucking pills?” His eyes were no doubt glaring at the pills on his lap, attempting to judge them on his own.

Eddie shook his head softly and Richie’s hand squeezed again, “We were at the hospital, checking my arm after it broke. I, I heard Bill try to visit me, and my mom sent you away,” Bill didn’t comment how his room was on the third floor and he argued with his mother in the lobby of the hospital. It was a strange Summer, and nearly none of it made any sense, “I didn’t like that - I didn’t  _ want _ that. I didn’t even know you guys weren’t talking to each other, I just wanted to see everyone, I just wanted to get out of there.” He trembled, refusing to cry even though his eyes started to burn, “So I told her that, I knew about the ga - placebos, and that I wouldn’t ask about them, whether they were or not, or ask her why she would do that. I chose to k-keep taking them, as long as she stopped trying to get me to stay away from you guys.” There was nothing but pure silence and Eddie’s hand moved to his thigh, rubbing slightly, “It’s fine, really, if - if they are  _ fake _ , then nothings happening to me, and, and I get to hang out without my mo-”

“Eddie,” Bill stopped him, and his hands were balled into fists, his face screwed up with more fury he’s ever seen Big Bill have, “I-I’ve known you suh-since your m-mom gave you your inhay-aler. A-All those years of making you tuh-take all that sh-shit, th-that’s not okay.”

“It’s not about the placebos,” Stanley added, “It’s about how she convinced you that you have asthma, and all these things, when you  _ don’t _ .”

“You still use your inhaler.” Ben brought up too, and Eddie was hoping none of them would.

“Um,” Eddie quipped, “I try not to, I do, but.. I, I feel like I can’t breathe without it…”

“That’s because your crazy as fuck mother made you believe you had asthma,” Richie spat and then leaned as back as he could, “I mean, fuck Eds, that’s, that’s so fucked up, I couldn’t even think of something more fucked up than that.”

“Why would she even do that?” Stanley mumbled, looking down at his lap with question.

Eddie shrugged, “I don’t know, but it started after my dad died… Maybe she became worried I would die too, and I would leave her alone.”

“D-Don’t give her exa-excuses. Sh-She’s the one whose sick.” Bill said and Richie would’ve whistled at his statement if all of this wasn’t, you know, fucked up.

“It’s complicated,” Eddie sighed, and he dropped the pill he put in his mouth into the pack, not caring about the germs because, he doesn’t think he’ll be taking them for the rest of the week, and snapped the lid closed, “I know there’s something wrong with her but she’s my mother. She did what she did to.. To protect me,” When all of them looked ready to rebuttal, he added, “In her own way. It’s not putting a bandaid on my knee when I fall off my bike and kissing it better, it’s taking me to an ER miles away from town to see if I’ll need stitches, just in case. It’s not letting me eat pizza when I want to, it’s making sure I’m filled with vegetables and vitamins so I can grow up strong and healthy. It’s -  _ she’s _ different, I know that, all our parents are different and they show their love in different ways.” Silence once again, “I’m not giving her excuses, I’m trying to understand her point of view as, as my mom.”

“Man,” Richie cracked, “I’ve never met anyone as strong as you Eds.”

Eddie huffed, “I’m not strong, and that’s not my name.”

“You’re not strong?” Mike gaped at him, “Dude, you basically just told us your whole life is a lie and you weren’t even  _ mad _ about it. How is that not being strong?”

Eddie shrugged again, “I wasn’t mad because if I was, she would’ve locked me in my room for the rest of my life and would’ve never let me see any of you again.”

Richie mustered himself up before flinging himself onto Eddie, the hammock nearly tipping them over along with Eddie’s scream and his pill carrier slipping off his lap and hitting the floor. “Eddie baby, you’re so brave. So, so brave. Bev would be so proud of you, I’m gonna write her a letter after this to tell her how brave you’ve become.” He squashed Eddie’s face against his own, cheek to cheek.

“Stop it Tozier.” Eddie whined, trying his strength against Richie’s, of course not surpassing it.

“Y-You should stop taking th-them.” Bill said, and he finally looked less furious than before, but not by much. He would never be able to look at Mrs. Kaspbrak the same again. Not that he ever liked her in the first place.

Richie loosened his hold and Eddie’s eyes found Bill’s blue one, “It’s not that easy Bill. I told you that I feel like I can’t breathe without my inhaler,” He paused because he had the constant press of his inhaler on his thigh, always against his fanny pack, which is why he liked to keep it in his pocket sometimes, but it stuck out like a sore thumb, “I-I feel sick when I take my pills now, but at the same time I feel sick for not taking them. I don’t know what to do, but for now, I’m - I’m just gonna keep them with me.” He said, patting his fanny pack, the one Richie gave him.

“But-”

“Guys,” Ben cut off Bill’s refusal, “It’s getting late, we should get back on the road before dark or we won’t be able to see with our bikes.” It was obvious even he wanted to talk to Eddie more about this, but it was true, the light was now only coming from the small flashlight and lamp Ben had installed in the clubhouse. Eddie looked up, to the hatch door and saw the night sky filled with tiny, white stars. He felt at ease, more than he has since he broke his arm. Maybe it was due to finally telling the truth. It wasn’t his friends life, they didn’t need to know about his medication, they might’ve not even cared, but it felt fulfilling to have told them. To have them know that every time his watch beeps, he feels like throwing up and every time his mother caresses his hair, he feels like he’ll drop to the floor.

“Let’s go.” Eddie says, the first one going to the ladder after Richie helped him off the hammock. Ben closed the door, kicking leaves onto it to recover it. They made it to their bikes and got on once they hit street again. Mike parted first, going down the road leading to his family's farm with a glance at Eddie and a wave goodbye. Stanley and Ben went down a different block than the rest and Stanley hopped off his bike, putting the stand on it, to give Eddie a bone crushing hug before the two sped off.

Unfortunately for them, Eddie’s house came before either of Bill’s or Richie’s so they used one leg to balance on the floor with their bikes, watching as Eddie rolled his up the curb on his front yard. He hit the stand on his bike, parking it and turning back to the other two with a soft smile. “Thanks guys, get home safe.”

“Aww, do you care about us that much Edward Spaghetward?” Richie put a hand over his heart with a kissy face.

“Ew,” Eddie stuck his tongue out, “Don’t ever fucking call me that aga-” He snapped his mouth shut due to his front door squeaking open and revealing his mother. Worst timing ever. Bill, usually trying to appeal to parents, didn’t give his usual hello to her.

“Eddie,” She sounded tired, probably waited up for him instead of going to bed early, “What’s with that language?” She scowled.

Eddie lowered his head, “Sorry mommy.” He said in a quieter voice.

“Do you have any idea what time it is? You can’t be riding your bike in the dark, your eyes aren’t very good, what if you got into an accident? Or you ran out of breath and got stranded? You know your asthma can’t keep up with you.” Mrs. Kaspbrak said, a little mad but more frightened than anything.

Eddie paused for a second, not sure if his friends could keep it back, but they did. “Yes mommy, I know. We lost track of time, but I’m fine.”

“Then come inside, it's time for bed.” She said, and then her eyes slid to Richie and Bill who had tights lips and stared back at him with no remorse. “William, you know better then to bring my Eddie back at this time.” She scolded his longest friend since childhood.

Bill pursed his lips but muttered back, “Yeah.” Then kicked his stand up.

“Goodnight,” Eddie said after him and then his eyes found Richie’s, “See you later.” He followed in, his mother's hand pushing on his back when he passed her at the door and all the way until she slammed it closed.

“Those boys are nothing but trouble Eddie,” She started, of course she would, “I don’t see why you have to hang out with  _ them _ . There are better children to be friends with in their neighborhood, I could introduce you to some. It was luck that that filthy Marsh girl moved away, if only the Tozi-”

“Mom,” Eddie said loudly, the loudest he ever spoke to her - he should’ve yelled in the hospital, frantically lose control of himself when he told her about what he had found out, he should’ve scared her worse - “Don’t talk about my friends like that. I won’t let you.” He quivered, but she didn’t see from behind him, “I’m going to bed, goodnight.” He trudged up the stairs without looking back.

He heard his mothers quiet, “Goodnight.”

His room was rather plain, pale blue walls with white linings, a big bed for one boy, and a dark, wooden desk against the wall. His mother didn’t allow a television in his room, only in the living room where he would have to watch whatever it was that he wanted with her permission and under her supervision. She also didn’t allow toys or a radio or any paintings on his walls or any books that didn’t have to do with school. What does Eddie do for fun, you ask? Homework, mostly, or he writes on occasion, anything he could think of in his journal. If not, then he’s begging his mother to let him outside, to get out of his room and the house he can no longer walk around in without having his mother breathe down his neck.

He jumped into his bed, stomach side, and let out a big sigh into his pillow. The fanny pack dug into his side and he groaned, struggling to take it and throw it on the other side of the room without looking.

“Woah Eds, it that how you treat my gifts?” He heard and he jerked, pushing himself up and over, falling off the bed, “Oh shit, sorry.” Richie clipped, swinging his other leg over his open window and peeking at him.

“What the fuck,” Eddie took in air, hand on his chest from the scare, “What are you doing Richie? You almost fucking killed me asshole.” He winced and got back up, watched as Richie sat on his bed.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to. I thought you saw me.” Richie countered.

“Saw you?” Eddie sputtered, “From me entering my room to going face first into my bed, where did you think I saw you? Also, what are you even doing here?”

“What do you mean?” Richie questioned, “You left the window open for me.” He said, ignoring Eddie’s first question.

“My god, what the fuck are you talking about?” Eddie asked, hopping back on his bed.

“You said see you later,” Richie said, “I thought that was code for climb through my window.”

“You’re fucking insane,” Eddie rolled his eyes, leaning on his headboard, “That’s not what I meant at all.”

“Oh,” Richie looked down at his feet, his knees to his chest and the compelling thought to mention that Eddie wasn’t complaining about having his shoes on his blanket, “Do you want me to go?”

“I never said that,” Eddie yawned, not bothering to cover his mouth. It was his room, and it was just Richie. That boy had no shame, so he shouldn’t either when they were alone together, “Aren’t you tired though? Don’t wanna go home?”

Richie shook his head, “Not after today,” His head edged up to Eddie’s baby blue fanny pack on the floor, “Can’t leave you.”

Eddie followed his gaze, “Oh, my bad, I didn’t mean to throw it like that.” He made way to get up, to pick it up, but Richie reached out and grabbed his arm, stopping him.

“No, Eds, why didn’t you tell me before? When you found out? I never would’ve bought you that if I knew. You’re only wearing it because you’re making yourself sick.”

Eddie pulled his arm back, “I’m not doing anything.”

“Yes you are,” Richie argued, “The more you take those pills, the more you rely on them. You can’t function without your inhaler because your body thinks it needs it to breath, but you  _ don’t _ . You told today that you  _ don’t  _ need it or anything else. You don’t need your fanny pack, and if you keep using it, you’re going to not be able to live any longer without them. Is that what you want Eddie? Is that how you want to live?”

_ Is that what you want Eddie? Is that how you want to die? _

“No,” He said without any hesitation, “I want to be able to live without being scared of the air I'm breathing. I don’t want to keep looking at the floor when we’re outside because I’m worried about stepping on something sharp and getting crabs. I’m tired of flinching when I hear a cough or a sneeze because I think I’m going to contract cancer or something - I-” His voice cracked and he didn’t even realize he exploded into tears and Richie had to move on the bed to go next to him, to hold him in his arms again. He was just exhausted, exhausted of his mother, of his medicine, of his day.

“It’s okay Eds, we’re gonna get through this together,” Richie held him close, rubbing his arm up and down, “I promise, okay? We’re gonna make sure you’re healthy, and safe, without your placebos.”

“B-But it’s all I know.” Eddie whispered, a sob coming from his throat, “My m-mom won’t let me see you anym-more if I stop.”

“Your mom is weak Eddie,” Richie didn’t have any remorse to say it, “I know she’s your mom and you love her but, she can’t handle if you’re mad at her. If she says you can’t go outside anymore, you’ll get mad, and she’ll get scared. She can’t control you Eds, not unless you let her.”

“Richie,” Eddie sniffled, “I don’t want to talk about this anymore - it makes me so  _ sad _ , I don’t want to think about it. I just, I want to rest.”

“Okay,” Richie soothed, “We don’t have to, you wanna go to sleep?”

Eddie nodded, but then shook his head, “Not if you leave. I don’t want to be alone.”

“Then I’ll stay until you fall asleep,” Richie leaned against Eddie’s head, “Let’s lay down.” He says and him and Eddie get into a better position, both on their backs under the cover together, Eddie stuffed into his chest.

“Thanks Richie.” Eddie muttered into the fabric of his shirt. His skin felt heated at the closeness but he didn’t say anything,  _ couldn’t _ .

“No need to thank the gentlemen,” Richie used a carnival stand voice, “Step right up, one kiss for a thanks, Eddie Boy.”

Eddie froze, because that was a joke right? Richie always joked when he used his voices, but Eddie shook with anticipation. He lifted his head, all the way until he could look Richie in his eyes and his best friend had a sweet smile on his face, and also a slight eyebrow raised in confusion, waiting for Eddie to say something back.

And it was a quick press of their lips, Eddie initiated it by tipping his head and straining his eyes closed, but it was enough to send him into an asthma panic attack. He moved back, chest heaving, mouth open trying to suck up air and body swarming with fear. _He’s going to hate you, you faggot, what were you thinking?_

His hand slapped his thigh, trying to feel for his inhaler when he remembered he had through his fanny pack. He ignored Richie in front of him and attempted to get up, to get his inhaler while breathing heavily. Richie grabbed his arm and pulled him back down against the bed, “Eddie, no, you don’t need it.” He said sternly.

“R-Rich-” He struggled to say, and he felt light headed, arm still trying to reach out for his inhaler, “P-Ple-”

“No, look at me,” Richie squeezed his arm and Eddie found his eyes, “You don’t need it Eddie, I’m here. Breathe with me, in, and out, in, and out, in,” Eddie could only concentrate on Richie’s words, as low as they sounded since his ears could practically hear his heart beating in his chest, “That’s it, Eds, there you go, keep going, in, and out, in, and out…”

Eddie’s breathing eventually regulated. His chest still hurt as if he hadn’t taken a breath for days and his inhaler would’ve fixed it in just one pump, but it was thrilling to see him calm down without it. “Richie,” He wheezed a little, “R-Richie.” His eyes teared up.

“It’s okay, right? You’re okay,” Richie smiled, seeing him regain his breathes, “Don’t need to be so freaked out Eddie Baby, I wanted to kiss you too.”

And that was the breaking point for Eddie. This boy, this really cute boy in his bed who had so much love for him had not only snuck into his room because he knew Eddie didn’t want to be alone, helped him through a panic attack, but also just admitted he wanted to kiss him. It was too much, Eddie’s heart was beating fast for a completely different reason now, and he surged forward, kissing him again, this time without freaking out after a second.

The kiss was hot, as hot as it could be for a couple of fifteen year olds, and Richie’s hands skirted up Eddie’s shirt not too long after, fingers touching skin and Eddie gasped, while Richie slipped his tongue into the kiss. It lasted a few seconds longer, maybe even a full minute, until Eddie shifted up, going to straddle Richie as Richie’s other hand curled around his hip, encouraging him to do so. But he ended up stopping when his hand landed on Richie’s front pocket, and he crushed a all-too-knowing box. He pulled away, sitting on his knees by Richie’s side. “I don’t want you to smoke anymore.” He laid out clearly.

Richie blinked up at him, trying to comprehend what just happened and what Eddie just said, hands still on his waist and and up his shirt. “Really? You’re gonna say that now?”

“I just,” Eddie huffed, his face a bright red, he could feel it, “I don’t need placebos to know that you can develop lung cancer and many other diseases from nicotine  _ and _ second hand smoking. I know you try your best to not smoke around me but you smell like it sometimes and it’s gross and a  _ huge  _ turn off.”

Richie beamed into a smile, “How ‘bout I promise not to go near you if I smell like smoke?”

Eddie scowled at him, nose scrunching in that cute way, “No, I don’t want you to smoke at all, you’ll die at like thirty and I can’t go through midlife crisis without you.” His lips pouted, “How about every time you get the urge to smoke,” He reached down and grabbed the collar of Richie’s ugly shirt, “You come find me and kiss me.”

“YOOWZA Eds,” Richie’s eyes went big under his glasses, “You’re really something when you’re horny, huh? Lucky me.” He dug his hand into his pocket, producing the slightly crushed, half empty box of cigarettes and leaned up on one elbow, chucking the thing out of Eddie’s open window.

“What the hell,” Eddie squeaked, keeping his voice down, “My moms gonna find that in our yard, you mouth breather.”

Richie laughed, “When does your mom ever go outside?” His jab didn’t do anything for Eddie’s worried, so he chided, “I’ll get it in the morning, and I’ll properly throw it out, don’t worry your pretty little head.”

Any nervousness Eddie had slipped away as he caught on, “In the morning?” He mumbled, eyes going soft as he stared down at the other.

“Well yeah, you don’t think I’d leave after this right?” Richie stretched an arm out, cupped Eddie’s cheek and passed his thumb gently over it, “Unless you want me to.”

Eddie’s answer came from dropping back down and kissing the life out of this annoying, stupid looking boy he was in love with.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay well thanks for reading!  
I actually reread this today and didnt really like it adgfhjk but i wrote a lot so i wanted to post it anyways  
If you guys liked it, please let me know in the comments. I started another fic with adult Reddie but changed my mind and did this one, because i prefer them in Derry growing up rather than the chapter two movie when it comes to reading/writing. Leave some ideas for me too, if i realize i want to keep writing for them, it may help  
thanks so much ^_^


End file.
